My Grandma

March 29, 2009... the day my beloved grandma passed away.

April 3, 2009... the funeral.

. . .

Today is the 22nd of April.

I can't believe it has been nearly a month since my grandma passed away.

I got here the 24th.. and not even five days i got here, the grandma that has been near my side my whole entire life has left this world. I was right next to her the whole entire time, from the moment I first came to seattle, the moment i first learned to walk, the first day i went to school, my graduation, the moment she fell sick, the moment she was hospitalized for months, and until the day i left... all this time i was with her but she decided to leave when my mom and i werent there. All my life I was right next to her.... except the day she chose to take her last breath. It was hard to realize that she wouldn't be there when I go back. That I wouldn't be able to see her in front of the house planting the flowers she loved so much.

It was already hard enough to accept my grandma was no longer in my life.. but to accept the fact that I wasn't able to attend her funeral was the biggest challenge. I didn't care about my internship.. I forgot the reason why I came to Korea in the first place... I didn't care. I wanted to be with my mom.. my family and be there when they officially let her go. It was aggravating to be in this foreign place.. by myself..when my family was all together supporting each other and being a family. It was more unbearable when i still had to go to work.... knowing that it was the day of the funeral. It makes me sad that i'm never going to get that additional chance.

It was difficult to see my mom fall apart. I always knew she was also someone's child.. a daughter.. but it was a concept that i understood with my mind but not my heart. Seeing her cry out for her mom, my grandma, I finally understood with my heart that she was a daughter too... like I, and one day I was going to be in her place. It made me sad to even think about the day it happens.

My grandma has taught me so much ... about life even at her death. Through all of this I learned people live on.. even after death... because that's life. The world keeps on moving forward.

"Life is what happens, when you are busy making other plans" - John Lennon -

It really is true. While my mom and I were busy setting our daily schedule in Korea... places to go.. places to visit.. getting ready for my interview.. life happened. We were missing out on the pain my grandma was going through. We missed out on her last day....

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I miss you 할머니... and i know you are in a better place being the independent, strong, and charismatic woman you are.

I love you.. and I'm sorry..